The Rhinos Wallow

Week 1 2023 Season

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      Those of you who have been in the pool will notice that I am not using a photo of my granddog as a placeholder this season. After the disastrous results of last year I knew I had to do something different so I have used a photo of the CN tower this year. There is a young lady standing in front of the tower, somewhat obscuring the view but it was the best I could come up with. I realize that the young lady is not as cute as my grand dog but she has a couple of nice features so I hope you will accept that this was the best pic of the tower I could find.

      As always, any errors in fact, spelling, punctuation or grammer on this page are mine. If you see something that is wrong please email me to point out the error of my ways. Thank you! I would also like to warn those new to the pool that I am not PC and at times I am rude, insensitive, and sexist. Well - that is according to my wife. I am also smart enough and afraid enough to not disagree with her.

      As I do every year, I will remind you that YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE for getting your own picks in on time. Usually you can enter your picks Tuesday morning and you can alter them as often as you like prior to them locking one hour before the kickoff of the first game of the week which is usually Thursday evening. If you are having problems or going to Timbuktoo on vacation you can arrange with me ahead of time and I can enter picks for you but once picks lock I cannot help you. If you do need help I would suggest that you should not wait until the last minute as I may not be available then.

      We have a lot of newcomers in the pool this year, and many of them have used a lot of imagination in choosing interesting names for their franchises. Athletes Foot, Jamaica Flava, The Big Bad B's, Mustard Man, The Green Giant, Grampiebear, Geofferson Starship, Sassy Chassis and Blondar The Barbarian are all new to the pool as is Chris Moser who will join veterans Sean Leblanc and Mitchell Hole in the "I am who I am" division. The 10 rookie franchises will all compete for this years Rookie Of the Year (ROY) award. Remember, if you win this someday you will be able to boast to your grandchildren "Back in 23 when we had to walk to school barefoot, uphill both ways I won ..." They will love to hear this, especially after the 29th time!

     The New Orleans Taints are a veteran team as Alan Stefura has changed his franchise name in the offseason. While Kiss My Ass was not in the pool last season Karen has competed here in the past and she too is not eligible for the much coveted ROY award.

      This year we have 60 franchises in the pool. The weekly prize pool will be $5 x 60 and the prizes will be $120.00, $90.00, $60.00 and $30.00 for 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th. In the event of ties the prizes will be added and split. For example if two franchise tie for 2nd place the 2nd and 3rd place will be added together and shared equally and the next finisher will receive the 4th place prize. The year end prizes will be $20 x 60 and will be split in the same manner as the weekly prizes ($480.00, $360.00, $240.00 & $120.00). There is a streak prize of $2 x 60 = $120.00 which will go to the franchise(s) with the longest streak of correct #1 (200 point) picks through the season. All winnings are paid out after the season ends.

      The prizes that we pay out come from the entry fees that you remit. If you have not sent in your entry fee to Doug please do so. Should you fail to do so we will have to remove your franchise from the pool and adjust the payouts accordingly.

      There are other, non financial prizes that are mostly for prestige (or humiliation). Every week the Celler Dweller award goes to the franchises that finishes last. The Monica Lewinski, "Close but no cigar!" award each week goes to the franchise that finishes closest, but not in the prize pool. The Play Of the Week (POW) award goes to the franchise or franchises that I decide made the best choice of the week. Sometimes the best choice is buying a bottle of mediocre red wine, writing your name on it and leaving it on my doorstep. Just saying in case any of you really want to see your name in print!

      At the end of the season the Tin Cup award goes to the franchise with the most points but no winnings. There was an actual Tin Cup which was purchased years ago by JakeDSnake (thank you Jake!) but one "winner??" failed to pass the cup on to last years "winner??" The Brady Bunch. I guess this means that there will no longer be a cup to pass on so it is now a metaphysical honour.

     The "Ten Worst Years" section of the HOF page has been updated to only include seasons since 2021 when the 18 week schedule came into effect. It would be possible to compare scoring between a shorter and longer season but I am not going to be doing that. The job is open for any of you who want to do a lot of arithmetic.

      As my "B" franchise, Show Us Your TD's I cheer for the Detroit Lions. I have been mocked and scorned for this for many years, but this may be the year that they shock everybody and become a force in the NFL... or maybe they will just get my hopes up then collapse back into ineptitude and incompetence again. Whatever happens THIS SEASON I will be able to watch them play a lot more often that has been customary as they have several prime time games scheduled. I only wish I had had enough faith to pick them to best the Chiefs on TNF. Roar Loins Roar!

      Our first new entrant to introduce this season is Sassychassis Krystal works with Brady Bunch in Fort Mac. She is a heavy equipment operator and has a son who joined varsity football so she thought this might be a way to get more involved in the sport. Krystal says that she is more of a hockey fan when it comes to watching sports. We hope you enjoy this pool Krystal, just not too much at our expense.

      For those of you who follow it I will be using a slightly different way of tracking the race for the Streak Prize this season. It is just too much work moving every loser to the bottom of the list every week. It was taking a lot of my valuable time.

The Monica Award - In truth, this should not be the "Close but not cigar" award for the Big Head, Big Brain this week but simply the "No Cigar" award. Brett ended up 60 points from the prizes which may be some consolation as at least it was not a near miss. I hope never to have to test this theory personally.

    The POW Award - The first POW award of the season was clearly won on the first NFL game of the season. Shawn the White Sassychassis and Watt's Up were the only members in the pool who picked Detroit to win and Shawn and Sassy mede 150 and 100 points respectively. Twenty three franchises lost their top pick on this game and a lot of others had it highly rated. This was a big swing in scoring for these franchises and clearly earned this seasons first POW award. Those who picked the Bucs Browns and Rams to win also deserve a bit of sugar. Well done all of you!

    The Celler Dweller - Murrman had a pretty dismal week. There is no way to sugarcoat it. Sean missed his top two picks and ended up with 300 points. The top 4 franchises this week ended up with over 600 points. This is a pretty big hole to dig out of so early in the year.

   Without further ado, this weeks winners, and we honour and congratulate them are....

1st - Watt's Up Mike sent in his thoughts, "Well Watt's funny is that last season after deciding to join last minute, I had the chance to win week one as well. This time, I actually walk away with the prize, but Russell Wilson still lost and -... I'll say anything to distract myself from my Steeler's performance today. Good luck on the rest of the season everyone!" I must admit that you looked a lot better than your Steelers this Week, Mike.

2nd - The Jetpicker - I don't know what Andrew thinks of this week. The good is that he won money - the bad is that Aaron Rodgers got injured. I guess at the end of the day a dollar in the hand is worth more than a QB in the infirmary!

3rd - Show Us Your TD's - Between my two franchises I never even received an EofH all last season. All of a sudden I feel so much stronger, smarter and better looking. Well, as Meatloaf sang, "Two Out of Three Ain't Bad" Between this and the Lions winning this is the best week I have had in a very long time. I always say it is better to be lucky than smart... at least for me, 'cause I can sometimes be lucky.

4th - Shawn The White - Shawn had the hottest start in the pool but slowly sank into the morass. He is probably lucky that there were only 16 games played.

I will start the season a quote about hope because most of us will already see that there is none. Clare Booth Luce (1903 - 1987) wrote, "There are no hopeless situations; there are only men who have grown hopeless about them." Yeah, well, in your ear too Clare Boothe Luce! Maybe we are just realists.

       'Til next week then...

          The Rhino

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